'They told me I was too dumb to be a mum.. but I proved them wrong'

'They told me I was too dumb to be a mum.. but I proved them wrong' - mirror.co.uk

By Alison Smith-Squire 3/04/2011
On Mother's Day.. the heart warming story of a girl who had to fight for the right to bring up her own child

Strolling along the beach, her young son in her arms, Kerry McDougall prepares for the perfect Mother's Day - one that last year she could only dream of.
For 12 months ago tiny Ben was in care and Kerry's life was in tatters - after social workers deemed her both too stupid to look after her son AND not even bright enough to wed her fiancé Mark.
Ben was just three days old when social workers marched into the maternity ward where Kerry was breastfeeding and took him away.
It was the start of a long, heartbreaking battle to become a proper family.
Today all that is finally behind them. For, as well as having Ben back and getting married, Kerry and Mark are celebrating the news they are expecting another baby.
Cradling Ben on her lap, Kerry, 18, who has mild learning difficulties, says: "It's just the perfect gift for Mother's Day. I only found out a few days ago, but the baby is due in November. Mark and I are just so happy.
"We can't wait to find out if Ben is going to have a little brother or sister."
Mark adds: "This Mother's Day is so poignant and special to us. This time last year we had been to hell and back.
"It was very hard for us. Ben was in care and we feared we'd never get him back. I gave Kerry a card but it just made us feel more upset."
Mark, 27, who this weekend gave Kerry a ring with the word "mum" engraved on it, says: "We went through the darkest days possible.
"So we simply couldn't imagine that a year later we'd all be reunited and living next to a beach. And to actually be married and looking forward to the birth of our second child just seems amazing."
The couple's rollercoaster journey began in September 2009 when, in an unprecedented legal step, Fife Social Services dramatically halted their church wedding.
Kerry's upbringing had been overseen by the social services after her parents handed her over to her grandmother when she was just nine months old.
Because of her mild learning difficulties, just before the wedding two social workers knocked on the door of the home she shared with Mark in Dunfermline and told them Kerry did not possess the mental capacity to make the decision to get married.
Mark, an artist, says: "It was devastating as we'd already booked the church, the reception, bought the dresses, rings and flowers. Kerry didn't stop crying for days.
"Although we pleaded with the registrar to allow us to go ahead, we discovered social services had sent them a legal letter forbidding us to marry.
"Kerry does have some mild learning difficulties but mostly this is because as a child she had a cleft palate and missed a lot of school. People never realise Kerry has any problems when they meet her - I certainly didn't."
Then social services dropped another bombshell. Concerned that Kerry's learning difficulties could cause her baby "emotional harm", they told the couple he would be taken into care at birth.


Mark says: "Ironically, as we weren't married, I had no legal rights over the child. Arguing that Kerry's learning problems did not mean she couldn't be a good mum and that I would also be there to care for the baby made no difference."
So the couple made the difficult decision to flee to Ireland before the baby was born, believing Irish social workers would be more sympathetic.
And so, shortly before Christmas 2009, with just £200, a suitcase of clothes and a bag of sandwiches, they bade tearful goodbyes to friends and family and left.
Kerry says: "I couldn't stop crying. I was also terrified because I was heavily pregnant and we didn't have anywhere to go to. But I was desperate to keep Ben and knew we had no choice."
Friends put them up and a benefactor who read about their plight paid their rent on a house in Waterford. On January 15 last year Kerry, with Mark at her side, gave birth to Ben.
Kerry says: "As soon as I held Ben, I fell in love with him." For the next three days - with only close friends and family knowing where they were - the couple revelled in being new parents.
But through her medical records, the Irish authorities discovered that social services in the UK had concerns over Kerry. They were legally bound to follow them up. On the third day, as the couple prepared to leave hospital with their new baby, two Irish social workers confronted them.
Mark says: "I felt so helpless. I begged them not to take him. But they said they had to. Kerry had just finished breastfeeding Ben and we only had time to give him a quick kiss. We both just collapsed, sobbing."
Kerry says: "I felt sick coming home without Ben. My whole body ached for him - I produced so much milk that I used to hand it over to social workers so they could bottle-feed him with it."
Over the next fortnight, the grief-stricken pair were allowed just a few two-hour visits with Ben before Kerry was reunited with her baby at a mother and baby home.
But it was only a temporary measure - after two months Kerry was forced to go back home and Ben was put into foster care.
Over the next few months the couple were both forced to undergo assessments to ensure they would be good parents.
Mark says: "It seemed so unfair to even deny Kerry the chance to be a mum and get married because she has a few learning difficulties."
Over the next few months the couple were allowed to see Ben more. Kerry says: "First of all we had visits with a social worker. Then we could take Ben out for a short time by ourselves. Gradually the visits got longer and more often.
"Finally, when he was 10 months old, we were allowed to bring him home."
Shortly before, the couple discovered the ruling banning their wedding didn't cover Ireland - so they finally got married. Mark says: "It was a great day, which went off without a hitch."
Ben is now 14 months old and a lively toddler. Kerry says: "They tore him away from me... but now I've proved them wrong. And, despite everything, he's turned out to be such a happy child."
The couple have decided to stay in Ireland, where they have made many new friends.
"We could never go back to the UK," says Mark."This is the perfect place to bring up our children. We believe fate brought us here and we just want to get on with the rest of our lives as a family."
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