What Kinds of Emotional Issues will my Adopted Child Face during Adolescence?

What Kinds of Emotional Issues will my Adopted Child Face during Adolescence?:

It's easy to claim that an adopted child is "just like any other child," but adopted children and adoptive parents know that's not necessarily true – especially when an adopted child reaches adolescence. On top of the usual slate of "typical" teen and adolescent issues surrounding a child's passage to adulthood, children adopted in infancy or as a very young child are also very likely to experience their own unique set of emotional struggles – and in turn, adoptive parents are likely to encounter their own questions about how best to support and guide their adopted child through such a challenging time.

Most research suggests that children adopted during infancy may not begin to question or "probe" their familial identity and their "natural" roots until the onset of adolescence – the time when children begin to explore, challenge and question their identity, beliefs and values. In other words, the physical and emotional conditions of adolescence tend to serve as a natural trigger for deeper emotional issues related to adoption.

Feelings of grief, loss, abandonment, rejection and even guilt or shame may characterize your teen's attitude towards the fact that he/she is adopted, even if he/she previously seemed well-adjusted and "fine" with being adopted. If your teen begins to express these types of feelings – or if his/her behavior seems to indicate issues more serious than "typical teen" behavior (suicidal tendencies, significant withdrawal from family and peer groups, loss of interest in favorite activities or drastic change in social group or academic performance, for example) – it's important to understand that this may be a sign that deeper emotional concerns over adoption may be surfacing in your teen.

In addition to seeking post-adoption support in the form of professional counseling, family therapy and even camps or schools equipped to properly support teens dealing with behavioral and emotional issues associated with adoption, it's also important to understand where your adopted teen's feelings may be coming from. Grief, for instance, is a fundamental part of the adoption process, and while it may take years for your adopted child to recognize or fully deal with his/her grief, it's only natural that while he/she may enjoy a great deal of happiness as part of your family, he/she has also "lost" his/her own natural parents and family.

Your adopted teen may also experience a sense of loss in addition to grief over his/her natural family – especially as he/she begins to examine questions of identity in an effort to define "who he/she is." Again, while you may have tended to view adoption as a positive, joyous event, it's important to appreciate the fact that for all your teen's gratitude, he/she may also feel that he/she has "lost" his "natural identity," and as a result, he/she may even begin to express a never-before-articulated desire to find a birth parent or parents.

It's also normal for your teen to feel angry or to feel that he/she was rejected or abandoned by his/her birth parent as a result of being adopted. As a parent, you may understand or sympathize with the birth parent's decision to allow the adoption of your child, but as an adolescent, your child may need some time – and open, positive support from you – to come to terms with his/her adoption in a way that is healthy and constructive. As a part of this process, it may help you to understand that teens who were formerly very open about their adoption may suddenly seem ashamed or guilty about the fact that their birth parents decided to "give them up." Again, maintaining an open, positive and communicative relationship with your teen during this stage of his/her adolescence is crucial: most adoption research suggests that the more supportive and open adoptive parents are about the issues their adopted child or teen faces, the more successful the adopted teen will be at successfully and constructively working through these concerns.