Legally Kidnapped: Joseph Gets a Visit from Child Protection Services
Isabella Brooke Knightly and Austin Gamez-Knightly
In Memory of my Loving Husband, William F. Knightly Jr. Murdered by ILLEGAL Palliative Care at a Nashua, NH Hospital
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Bill gives grandparents priority in custody cases
What about New Hampshire and all the other states?
Bill gives grandparents priority in custody cases
A bill prefiled in the South Carolina legislature would give grandparents and other immediate family members a higher priority in child custody cases.
Rep. Rita Allison (R-Spartanburg) has sponsored a bill that would change how family courts determine the fate of children who no longer have a parent to take care of them. The legislation would require the courts to give priority to grandparents and other family members in an adoption case.
In South Carolina, the only priorities in child custody cases right now is the child’s preference and if the person or agency has a similar religious background. Theoretically, if a child’s parents die or are jailed, family members would be considered equals in family court with any other qualified candidate who wanted the child.
Allison says she’s heard from several grandparents concerned about the current laws for family court.
Let’s just say there was somebody else who wanted to adopt the children, grandparents wouldn’t have any more priority than… a stranger to the child.
Family members would still have to meet the same requirements to qualify. Allison did not say if she knew of any instance where a qualified family member was not able to get custody of the child under current law, however.
Allison said she thinks the bill will have no trouble making it to a vote.
Usually, in any type of legislation, you will have some kickback with it. So far, we haven’t. I do expect it to move rather quickly through the system.
The bill heads to the House of Representative’s judiciary committee.
Bill gives grandparents priority in custody cases
A bill prefiled in the South Carolina legislature would give grandparents and other immediate family members a higher priority in child custody cases.
Rep. Rita Allison (R-Spartanburg) has sponsored a bill that would change how family courts determine the fate of children who no longer have a parent to take care of them. The legislation would require the courts to give priority to grandparents and other family members in an adoption case.
In South Carolina, the only priorities in child custody cases right now is the child’s preference and if the person or agency has a similar religious background. Theoretically, if a child’s parents die or are jailed, family members would be considered equals in family court with any other qualified candidate who wanted the child.
Allison says she’s heard from several grandparents concerned about the current laws for family court.
Let’s just say there was somebody else who wanted to adopt the children, grandparents wouldn’t have any more priority than… a stranger to the child.
Family members would still have to meet the same requirements to qualify. Allison did not say if she knew of any instance where a qualified family member was not able to get custody of the child under current law, however.
Allison said she thinks the bill will have no trouble making it to a vote.
Usually, in any type of legislation, you will have some kickback with it. So far, we haven’t. I do expect it to move rather quickly through the system.
The bill heads to the House of Representative’s judiciary committee.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Father Harassed By CPS For Feeding Kids Organic Food
Father Harassed By CPS For Feeding Kids Organic Food
“See Something, Say Something”: Neighbors report on man for refusing to make daughters drink tap water or take vaccines
Paul Joseph Watson
Prison Planet.com
Monday, December 13, 2010
A father of two was harassed and investigated by Child Protective Services and police for feeding his daughters organic food, refusing to make them drink fluoride-poisoned tap water and not having them injected with mercury-laden vaccines, all of which constitutes “suspicious activity” in the new Sovietized America, a foretaste of what’s to come once Big Sis’ Wal-Mart spy campaign gets up and running.
Relating his story to the Sherrie Questioning All blog, the man states that a child abuse investigation was launched after one of his neighbors reported him to the authorities, prompting a CPS worker to visit his home accompanied by a police officer, during which she bombarded him with questions and conducted a warrantless search of his house, even down to the contents of his refrigerator.
The case worker turned up at the man’s door with a police cruiser in close attendance. The woman nervously began to question him and was obviously under the impression that he could pose a physical threat.
“She said that there were allegations that I wouldn’t give my children tap water,” writes the father, before noting how he explained to the woman that municipal tap water in most parts of the United States is poisoned with sodium fluoride, a form of toxic waste that contributes to innumerable health problems, including disorders affecting teeth, bones, the brain and the thyroid gland, as well as lowering IQ.
The woman’s line of questioning took an even more bizarre turn after she told him that one of the accusations against him which led to allegations of child abuse was that he fed his daughters organic food. That’s right – Americans actually think that if you don’t feed your children genetically-modified, gluten-stuffed, high fructose corn syrup-crammed, aspartame-laden garbage like KFC or McDonalds then you’re probably a child abuser. Eating natural, clean and healthy food not sprayed with sickening pesticides is now a suspicious activity.
“I was still quite frightened by this woman in my house, I mean really think about it,” writes the father. “This woman has the authority to take the only things worth living for away from me. My girls. So the allegations continued.”
The CPS worker then demanded to know why the man refused to have his daughters vaccinated, again implying that this was a form of child abuse. “I said yes that’s true, I refuse to allow my children to be poked with syringes filled with squalene, thimerasol, mercury,etc. I promptly produced my states exemption form. That was the end of that allegation,” he writes.
The interrogation concluded with the CPS worker asking the man’s daughters if he smacked them.
“They said ‘oh yeah my daddy will whoop my backside if I say a nasty word,’ he writes. “The woman asked me if this was true, I said yes, and it is completely legal to spank your child in this state, in fact there are school districts here in my state that allow ii in public schools.”
The woman, who had not obtained a legal warrant to search the house, inspected the girls’ rooms and even the father’s fridge before leaving.
Despite the fact that the man’s behavior in not making his kids drink toxic waste and eat GMO garbage, while protecting them from mercury-filled vaccines, actually proves that he is an outstanding parent who cares deeply for his children, he was subject to a one month investigation before the case was closed.
The man was able to confirm that he was informed on by someone he knew after the case worker asked him about his “bug bag,” a 72 hour emergency preparedness kit. Apparently, even though Homeland Security itself encourages Americans to prepare for emergencies, actually doing so is a sign of “child abuse”.
Presumably, this is the kind of community spirit Big Sis is seeking to encourage as part of Homeland Security’s “See Something, Say Something” program, where Wal-Mart shoppers are encouraged to report suspicious activity to the authorities after watching a video message at the checkout featuring Janet Napolitano.
Since the DHS program makes no reference to what constitutes “suspicious activity,” expect to read many more stories about Americans being investigated and harassed for their personal lifestyle choices as a result of being turned in by ignorant Americans who think that being knowledgable about health issues is a form of child abuse.
*********************
Paul Joseph Watson is the editor and writer for Prison Planet.com. He is the author of Order Out Of Chaos. Watson is also a fill-in host for The Alex Jones Show. Watson has been interviewed by many publications and radio shows, including Vanity Fair and Coast to Coast AM, America’s most listened to late night talk show.
“See Something, Say Something”: Neighbors report on man for refusing to make daughters drink tap water or take vaccines
Paul Joseph Watson
Prison Planet.com
Monday, December 13, 2010
A father of two was harassed and investigated by Child Protective Services and police for feeding his daughters organic food, refusing to make them drink fluoride-poisoned tap water and not having them injected with mercury-laden vaccines, all of which constitutes “suspicious activity” in the new Sovietized America, a foretaste of what’s to come once Big Sis’ Wal-Mart spy campaign gets up and running.
Relating his story to the Sherrie Questioning All blog, the man states that a child abuse investigation was launched after one of his neighbors reported him to the authorities, prompting a CPS worker to visit his home accompanied by a police officer, during which she bombarded him with questions and conducted a warrantless search of his house, even down to the contents of his refrigerator.
The case worker turned up at the man’s door with a police cruiser in close attendance. The woman nervously began to question him and was obviously under the impression that he could pose a physical threat.
“She said that there were allegations that I wouldn’t give my children tap water,” writes the father, before noting how he explained to the woman that municipal tap water in most parts of the United States is poisoned with sodium fluoride, a form of toxic waste that contributes to innumerable health problems, including disorders affecting teeth, bones, the brain and the thyroid gland, as well as lowering IQ.
The woman’s line of questioning took an even more bizarre turn after she told him that one of the accusations against him which led to allegations of child abuse was that he fed his daughters organic food. That’s right – Americans actually think that if you don’t feed your children genetically-modified, gluten-stuffed, high fructose corn syrup-crammed, aspartame-laden garbage like KFC or McDonalds then you’re probably a child abuser. Eating natural, clean and healthy food not sprayed with sickening pesticides is now a suspicious activity.
“I was still quite frightened by this woman in my house, I mean really think about it,” writes the father. “This woman has the authority to take the only things worth living for away from me. My girls. So the allegations continued.”
The CPS worker then demanded to know why the man refused to have his daughters vaccinated, again implying that this was a form of child abuse. “I said yes that’s true, I refuse to allow my children to be poked with syringes filled with squalene, thimerasol, mercury,etc. I promptly produced my states exemption form. That was the end of that allegation,” he writes.
The interrogation concluded with the CPS worker asking the man’s daughters if he smacked them.
“They said ‘oh yeah my daddy will whoop my backside if I say a nasty word,’ he writes. “The woman asked me if this was true, I said yes, and it is completely legal to spank your child in this state, in fact there are school districts here in my state that allow ii in public schools.”
The woman, who had not obtained a legal warrant to search the house, inspected the girls’ rooms and even the father’s fridge before leaving.
Despite the fact that the man’s behavior in not making his kids drink toxic waste and eat GMO garbage, while protecting them from mercury-filled vaccines, actually proves that he is an outstanding parent who cares deeply for his children, he was subject to a one month investigation before the case was closed.
The man was able to confirm that he was informed on by someone he knew after the case worker asked him about his “bug bag,” a 72 hour emergency preparedness kit. Apparently, even though Homeland Security itself encourages Americans to prepare for emergencies, actually doing so is a sign of “child abuse”.
Presumably, this is the kind of community spirit Big Sis is seeking to encourage as part of Homeland Security’s “See Something, Say Something” program, where Wal-Mart shoppers are encouraged to report suspicious activity to the authorities after watching a video message at the checkout featuring Janet Napolitano.
Since the DHS program makes no reference to what constitutes “suspicious activity,” expect to read many more stories about Americans being investigated and harassed for their personal lifestyle choices as a result of being turned in by ignorant Americans who think that being knowledgable about health issues is a form of child abuse.
*********************
Paul Joseph Watson is the editor and writer for Prison Planet.com. He is the author of Order Out Of Chaos. Watson is also a fill-in host for The Alex Jones Show. Watson has been interviewed by many publications and radio shows, including Vanity Fair and Coast to Coast AM, America’s most listened to late night talk show.
BEVERLY TRAN: States get bonuses for boosting enrollment for uninsured children in Medicaid
BEVERLY TRAN: States get bonuses for boosting enrollment for uninsured children in Medicaid
What does this mean for foster care? It means there will be a significant reduction in child abuse along with the removal of children whose parents "fail to provide for the necessary needs of the child"... oops, I mean less kids will be processed as abuse and neglect because they now have medical coverage.
Yes, lack of medical coverage is considered abuse and neglect.
States get bonuses for boosting enrollment for uninsured children in Medicaid
What does this mean for foster care? It means there will be a significant reduction in child abuse along with the removal of children whose parents "fail to provide for the necessary needs of the child"... oops, I mean less kids will be processed as abuse and neglect because they now have medical coverage.
Yes, lack of medical coverage is considered abuse and neglect.
States get bonuses for boosting enrollment for uninsured children in Medicaid
Scientific study shows the voice of moms activate a baby’s brain and learning - Pittsburgh Medical Technology | Examiner.com
Scientific study shows the voice of moms activate a baby’s brain and learning - Pittsburgh Medical Technology | Examiner.com
Scientists from the University of Montreal and Sainte-Justine Hospital Research Center in Canada attached electrodes to a group of 16 24 hour old babies to monitor brain activity. After performing the study, the researchers found the following remarkable result: the voice of a mother but not of a nurse, doctor or a stranger robustly activate the language processing centers of the brain in the newborn. In other words, this is the first study of its kind that shows that the voice of mothers is unique and babies inherently recognize their mother's voice possibly even inside the womb. More importantly, the electroencephalography and MRI studies show high resolution scans that pinpoint the activation of the Wernicke's area of the left hemisphere of the brain, the brain area that is specialized in language development and recognition in human beings.
The scientists used a couple of controls in their studies to help with the interpretation of their results. The researchers also involved a nurse who is herself a mother in their studies and also ruled out the "novelty" aspect by having the mother talk to a nurse at regular intervals before birth. Amazingly, their results still held water and proved that a mother's voice is only recognized by babies as the brain scans only showed selective activations of the language areas of the brain.
Bottomline-
It has been well documented that newborn babies do have some innate language capacities. Moreover, infants may not only learn to specifically recognize their mother's voice but also show adult-like responses in the brain to human voice at 7 but not 4 months of age. However, scientists are only just beginning to understand what the cognitive capacities of newborn babies are and the mechanisms by which babies learn and vocalize language. Nevertheless, what these studies do not currently show is whether the mother's voice is also important for brain development and learning in the child. Hence, future studies are imperative to determine whether there are any deficiencies seen in babies in which mothers spend less than the average or ideal time talking to their newborn babies. Moreover, studies like this have never been performed in such young participants which stresses the fact that many exciting and useful scientific discoveries with regards to the developing infant brain can be discovered with such a low number of participants (16) and can help us understand the pathological basis for speech language deficiencies and autism.
Moreover, the implications of these clinical findings are broad and other leading hospitals in the nation that perform pediatric research should conduct future studies as to whether a speech-language deficiencies in the infant could partly be a result of low mother to infant contact and interaction, even at such an early age.
At the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center Children's Hospital, there are a variety of speech language pathology programs that perform cutting edge research which also involve clinical trials. Right now, Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh is conducting a long term child neurology research registry. This is a large scale research initiative to store and track medical records of infants of all ages for statistical purposes. Moreover, this local clinical research initiative will help to elucidate the etiology and root causes of many neurological diseases including infant speech language deficiencies.
Scientists from the University of Montreal and Sainte-Justine Hospital Research Center in Canada attached electrodes to a group of 16 24 hour old babies to monitor brain activity. After performing the study, the researchers found the following remarkable result: the voice of a mother but not of a nurse, doctor or a stranger robustly activate the language processing centers of the brain in the newborn. In other words, this is the first study of its kind that shows that the voice of mothers is unique and babies inherently recognize their mother's voice possibly even inside the womb. More importantly, the electroencephalography and MRI studies show high resolution scans that pinpoint the activation of the Wernicke's area of the left hemisphere of the brain, the brain area that is specialized in language development and recognition in human beings.
The scientists used a couple of controls in their studies to help with the interpretation of their results. The researchers also involved a nurse who is herself a mother in their studies and also ruled out the "novelty" aspect by having the mother talk to a nurse at regular intervals before birth. Amazingly, their results still held water and proved that a mother's voice is only recognized by babies as the brain scans only showed selective activations of the language areas of the brain.
Bottomline-
It has been well documented that newborn babies do have some innate language capacities. Moreover, infants may not only learn to specifically recognize their mother's voice but also show adult-like responses in the brain to human voice at 7 but not 4 months of age. However, scientists are only just beginning to understand what the cognitive capacities of newborn babies are and the mechanisms by which babies learn and vocalize language. Nevertheless, what these studies do not currently show is whether the mother's voice is also important for brain development and learning in the child. Hence, future studies are imperative to determine whether there are any deficiencies seen in babies in which mothers spend less than the average or ideal time talking to their newborn babies. Moreover, studies like this have never been performed in such young participants which stresses the fact that many exciting and useful scientific discoveries with regards to the developing infant brain can be discovered with such a low number of participants (16) and can help us understand the pathological basis for speech language deficiencies and autism.
Moreover, the implications of these clinical findings are broad and other leading hospitals in the nation that perform pediatric research should conduct future studies as to whether a speech-language deficiencies in the infant could partly be a result of low mother to infant contact and interaction, even at such an early age.
At the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center Children's Hospital, there are a variety of speech language pathology programs that perform cutting edge research which also involve clinical trials. Right now, Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh is conducting a long term child neurology research registry. This is a large scale research initiative to store and track medical records of infants of all ages for statistical purposes. Moreover, this local clinical research initiative will help to elucidate the etiology and root causes of many neurological diseases including infant speech language deficiencies.
FAMILY PRESERVATION ADVOCACY: Adoption Anger
FAMILY PRESERVATION ADVOCACY: Adoption Anger
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2010
Adoption Anger
I've been reading a memoir by an Australian mother entitled "Coming Home to the Truth" by Judith Roseboom (Emerging Press, PO Box 1866, Albany, WA 6331).
In 1972, at 16 years of age, Judith was taken advantage of by an older boy who offered her a ride. Her parents sent away to a maternity home when they discovered she was pregnant.
She describes the treatment by the nuns who ran the home in ways common to all who spent time in Catholic maternity homes and how she was repeatedly told it was not "her" baby she was carrying and wanted to keep.
Like so many of us, Judith functioned, mostly aided by medication prescribed for "depression" as a result of her trying to "put it all behind her" and get on with her life.
"Ironically," she writes, "my parents thought the medications were helping me because I stopped crying. Really this was when I was at my lowest."
She worked and she married and she had three more children, all the while tyring to keep a lid on her memories.
In the late 1980s Judith met other mothers who lost children to adoption, she began to really confront all that happened....
"By then I had been on antidepressants for years. I was labelled as depressed but in actual fact I had been silently grieving a loss no one, except other mothers who had been through the system, understood or even noticed back then."
Suppressed grief. Stuffed. Silenced. How that eats at us!
In the midst of reading this account from the vantage point of this mother, I was sent a link to a post by a very angry adoptee.
Here is her story of the anger that explodes when losses are unrecognized and gratitude expected, just as mothers who lose children are expected to also be grateful to be freed of their obligation and freed to get on with their lives!
I’m fucking angry at Korea
I used to think that anger could save me. It protected me, kept me going. It helped me survive. I hope it still works.
Three months ago I found my Korean family. And for the first time in a long time, I felt hope. I thought I had located the source of this deep sadness I’ve been carrying with me my whole life, and I would finally know the answer to “Why?”
But no one told me family reunification would be this way.
However I look at it, there’s no resolution, no relief, no peace of mind. My grief has only multiplied since I met my family. Knowing more about the reasons why doesn’t make it hurt any less. Knowing more about what I’ve lost, I wish I’d never started searching.
Here in Korea experiences are raw and overwhelming. People keep telling me to be strong, but I think I am weak. Korea makes me feel like I can’t survive, like there’s no reason to keep trying so fucking hard. I’ll never make it here anyway. I felt such relief from American racism when I first returned, I failed to notice that Korea doesn’t want me either.
My birth family doesn’t understand why I cry so often. Smile. Our family is complete now. We are so happy you are here. You should be happy too. They expect me to fit right back into their lives. They’ve been waiting for me, building up hopes, anticipating my arrival. It feels eerily like adoption. The pressure to perform the same kind of emotional labor that was required of me as an adoptee is enormous.
I’m told that anger is the wrong response in this situation. But it’s all I’m feeling. There is no fresh start. Too much has already been taken from me. As a “reunited adoptee” I have even more I’m supposed to be grateful for, and so many things I’m told to be careful about.
Maybe get to know them first, and tell them you will address the marriage issue later. Things are changing, but it’s uncertain how they will respond to you.
You mean because I’m GAY? I thought I would just be myself in this situation. I finally have a chance at an authentic relationship with a family, my family. But the fear of rejection is huge.
I depend on others to translate culture, and I feel lost. The gifts from my birth family make me angry. Especially the envelope of money shoved into my purse. But I’m told to accept it because it is a symbol of love. One translator orders me to say “Thank you.”
You should accept your family’s goodwill. They are your strength.
I want to punch him. This feels exactly like adoption.
1. Add instant adoptee.
2. Shake until happy.
My birth mother assumes that I will drop everything and come live with her, now that we are reunited. She tells me to study hard and learn Korean because she’s too old to learn English. Live with me. Speak Korean. Just like nothing happened.
I know this is also out of her control in so many ways, but I refuse to believe this is all she can do to show her love. I understand not wanting to feel pain. But this will never fix what’s broken. What if we tried confrontation, anger, even rage? Will I be told that it’s not Korean to behave this way?
If I could, I would tell my birth family that last weekend in Seoul, an adoptee tried to kill herself. She jumped from the balcony of our hostel. I was sitting in my room on the first floor, and I heard her body hit the ground outside my window. I knew instantly what she had done, because I had thought about doing it myself. But I knew it wasn’t far enough to fall.
Adoptees
I can’t help it if it’s wrong. I have to tell. I want other adoptees to know what happened. It’s traumatic. But I can’t pretend to forget, and just do nothing. It’s common knowledge among us that Korean adoptees have a very high suicide rate. Maybe we’ve internalized the message that our pain is private, individual, unique. But it’s also systemic. How can we hold Korea accountable for selling us off if we continue to erase each other?
I wonder how many adoptees have to commit suicide before Korea will be embarrassed enough to do something about it. Maybe it’s not numbers that matter, but our response as adoptees when it happens. The atmosphere here feels desensitized. I need other angry adoptees.
I have to keep saying the ugly things that no one wants to think about or remember. I heard her body hit the ground. It’s not poetry. I don’t want to make a film about it. I hear that horrifying noise when I lie in bed at night, and I think, how is it that adoptees do not explode with anger at how disposable we are in Korea?
I feel despair here, but also an intense anger, which reassures me that there’s work to be done. I still believe there’s power in our collective anger. If we can let ourselves feel it, and talk about it. Ignoring, pretending, forgetting. I do it too, I think we all learned different ways to cope with the bullshit of adoption. But I didn’t come to Korea to pretend.
It's not Korea. It's adoption! They take our our kids. They take identity away from our kids. And we're all supposed to be happy and GRATEFUL!!
The similarities of these two perspectives is evident. Adoption invalidates our reality. It's like being incested and having everyone in your family say you imagined it, it couldn't have happened. That kind of denial and invalidation of such a deep primal wound to the very soul is devastating. It becomes impossible to separate which hurt is the greater of the two.
Grief of loss is REAL! Our pain is real. Mothers who miscarry or whose infant passes away are ENCOURAGED to GRIEVE. Yet those who lose children to adoption are not supposed to. We are supposed to forget it as if "it" never happened. Be glad [read: grateful] our child has a "better" life, and some of us have even been told to be happy for the otherwise childless family we brought such happiness to, as if we were intetonal surrogates or organ donors.
The needs of mothers today who are in open adoption will be further misunderstood. They can see their kids, but they are still not mothers! Does anyone understand what they've lost and their need to grieve? Are their friends and family understanding or compassionate or does everyone feel they got what they wanted and remind them how LUCKY they are that their adoption is "open." Where does the anger go? INSIDE US ALL!
We are disallowed human emotions and any show of concern for our losses because adoption dehumanizes us! As non humans we are expected to have no emotions, no need to mourn or grieve, We are things: commodities and the warppings of gift came in. Non human things.
The only wonder is why more of us don't EXPLODE with anger! Far too many of us play the part, keep the peace. Smile for the camera. Do the "polite" "good girl" thing! Stuff the anger. Deny ourselves the right to be frustrated and pissed off!
Now compare that to gays who are fighting for marriage equality, the right to serve in the military and to adopt children. They're getting what they want - at least in part. So too did the first responders of 9/11. They did not get anything and would never have gotten anything, by sitting back and being "good" and polite....or by being angry and simply writing about it or bitching to one another. They got what they got by getting angry and focusing their anger into legislative activism!
We need to channel that anger into righteous indignation and legislative activism! Fight to change what is wrong with adoption - how mothers are exploited and children commodified...all to meet a demand!
If you aint angry about that you aint paying attention...you're numb, brain dead...like a zombie victim of Stockholm Syndrome.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2010
Adoption Anger
I've been reading a memoir by an Australian mother entitled "Coming Home to the Truth" by Judith Roseboom (Emerging Press, PO Box 1866, Albany, WA 6331).
In 1972, at 16 years of age, Judith was taken advantage of by an older boy who offered her a ride. Her parents sent away to a maternity home when they discovered she was pregnant.
She describes the treatment by the nuns who ran the home in ways common to all who spent time in Catholic maternity homes and how she was repeatedly told it was not "her" baby she was carrying and wanted to keep.
Like so many of us, Judith functioned, mostly aided by medication prescribed for "depression" as a result of her trying to "put it all behind her" and get on with her life.
"Ironically," she writes, "my parents thought the medications were helping me because I stopped crying. Really this was when I was at my lowest."
She worked and she married and she had three more children, all the while tyring to keep a lid on her memories.
In the late 1980s Judith met other mothers who lost children to adoption, she began to really confront all that happened....
"By then I had been on antidepressants for years. I was labelled as depressed but in actual fact I had been silently grieving a loss no one, except other mothers who had been through the system, understood or even noticed back then."
Suppressed grief. Stuffed. Silenced. How that eats at us!
In the midst of reading this account from the vantage point of this mother, I was sent a link to a post by a very angry adoptee.
Here is her story of the anger that explodes when losses are unrecognized and gratitude expected, just as mothers who lose children are expected to also be grateful to be freed of their obligation and freed to get on with their lives!
I’m fucking angry at Korea
I used to think that anger could save me. It protected me, kept me going. It helped me survive. I hope it still works.
Three months ago I found my Korean family. And for the first time in a long time, I felt hope. I thought I had located the source of this deep sadness I’ve been carrying with me my whole life, and I would finally know the answer to “Why?”
But no one told me family reunification would be this way.
However I look at it, there’s no resolution, no relief, no peace of mind. My grief has only multiplied since I met my family. Knowing more about the reasons why doesn’t make it hurt any less. Knowing more about what I’ve lost, I wish I’d never started searching.
Here in Korea experiences are raw and overwhelming. People keep telling me to be strong, but I think I am weak. Korea makes me feel like I can’t survive, like there’s no reason to keep trying so fucking hard. I’ll never make it here anyway. I felt such relief from American racism when I first returned, I failed to notice that Korea doesn’t want me either.
My birth family doesn’t understand why I cry so often. Smile. Our family is complete now. We are so happy you are here. You should be happy too. They expect me to fit right back into their lives. They’ve been waiting for me, building up hopes, anticipating my arrival. It feels eerily like adoption. The pressure to perform the same kind of emotional labor that was required of me as an adoptee is enormous.
I’m told that anger is the wrong response in this situation. But it’s all I’m feeling. There is no fresh start. Too much has already been taken from me. As a “reunited adoptee” I have even more I’m supposed to be grateful for, and so many things I’m told to be careful about.
Maybe get to know them first, and tell them you will address the marriage issue later. Things are changing, but it’s uncertain how they will respond to you.
You mean because I’m GAY? I thought I would just be myself in this situation. I finally have a chance at an authentic relationship with a family, my family. But the fear of rejection is huge.
I depend on others to translate culture, and I feel lost. The gifts from my birth family make me angry. Especially the envelope of money shoved into my purse. But I’m told to accept it because it is a symbol of love. One translator orders me to say “Thank you.”
You should accept your family’s goodwill. They are your strength.
I want to punch him. This feels exactly like adoption.
1. Add instant adoptee.
2. Shake until happy.
My birth mother assumes that I will drop everything and come live with her, now that we are reunited. She tells me to study hard and learn Korean because she’s too old to learn English. Live with me. Speak Korean. Just like nothing happened.
I know this is also out of her control in so many ways, but I refuse to believe this is all she can do to show her love. I understand not wanting to feel pain. But this will never fix what’s broken. What if we tried confrontation, anger, even rage? Will I be told that it’s not Korean to behave this way?
If I could, I would tell my birth family that last weekend in Seoul, an adoptee tried to kill herself. She jumped from the balcony of our hostel. I was sitting in my room on the first floor, and I heard her body hit the ground outside my window. I knew instantly what she had done, because I had thought about doing it myself. But I knew it wasn’t far enough to fall.
Adoptees
I can’t help it if it’s wrong. I have to tell. I want other adoptees to know what happened. It’s traumatic. But I can’t pretend to forget, and just do nothing. It’s common knowledge among us that Korean adoptees have a very high suicide rate. Maybe we’ve internalized the message that our pain is private, individual, unique. But it’s also systemic. How can we hold Korea accountable for selling us off if we continue to erase each other?
I wonder how many adoptees have to commit suicide before Korea will be embarrassed enough to do something about it. Maybe it’s not numbers that matter, but our response as adoptees when it happens. The atmosphere here feels desensitized. I need other angry adoptees.
I have to keep saying the ugly things that no one wants to think about or remember. I heard her body hit the ground. It’s not poetry. I don’t want to make a film about it. I hear that horrifying noise when I lie in bed at night, and I think, how is it that adoptees do not explode with anger at how disposable we are in Korea?
I feel despair here, but also an intense anger, which reassures me that there’s work to be done. I still believe there’s power in our collective anger. If we can let ourselves feel it, and talk about it. Ignoring, pretending, forgetting. I do it too, I think we all learned different ways to cope with the bullshit of adoption. But I didn’t come to Korea to pretend.
It's not Korea. It's adoption! They take our our kids. They take identity away from our kids. And we're all supposed to be happy and GRATEFUL!!
The similarities of these two perspectives is evident. Adoption invalidates our reality. It's like being incested and having everyone in your family say you imagined it, it couldn't have happened. That kind of denial and invalidation of such a deep primal wound to the very soul is devastating. It becomes impossible to separate which hurt is the greater of the two.
Grief of loss is REAL! Our pain is real. Mothers who miscarry or whose infant passes away are ENCOURAGED to GRIEVE. Yet those who lose children to adoption are not supposed to. We are supposed to forget it as if "it" never happened. Be glad [read: grateful] our child has a "better" life, and some of us have even been told to be happy for the otherwise childless family we brought such happiness to, as if we were intetonal surrogates or organ donors.
The needs of mothers today who are in open adoption will be further misunderstood. They can see their kids, but they are still not mothers! Does anyone understand what they've lost and their need to grieve? Are their friends and family understanding or compassionate or does everyone feel they got what they wanted and remind them how LUCKY they are that their adoption is "open." Where does the anger go? INSIDE US ALL!
We are disallowed human emotions and any show of concern for our losses because adoption dehumanizes us! As non humans we are expected to have no emotions, no need to mourn or grieve, We are things: commodities and the warppings of gift came in. Non human things.
The only wonder is why more of us don't EXPLODE with anger! Far too many of us play the part, keep the peace. Smile for the camera. Do the "polite" "good girl" thing! Stuff the anger. Deny ourselves the right to be frustrated and pissed off!
Now compare that to gays who are fighting for marriage equality, the right to serve in the military and to adopt children. They're getting what they want - at least in part. So too did the first responders of 9/11. They did not get anything and would never have gotten anything, by sitting back and being "good" and polite....or by being angry and simply writing about it or bitching to one another. They got what they got by getting angry and focusing their anger into legislative activism!
We need to channel that anger into righteous indignation and legislative activism! Fight to change what is wrong with adoption - how mothers are exploited and children commodified...all to meet a demand!
If you aint angry about that you aint paying attention...you're numb, brain dead...like a zombie victim of Stockholm Syndrome.
Legally Kidnapped: Couple uses billboard to try to adopt a child
All they had to do was pay off CPS and they would have stolen them a newborn!
Legally Kidnapped: Couple uses billboard to try to adopt a child
Legally Kidnapped: Couple uses billboard to try to adopt a child
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