New Hampshire Legal Assistance is a non-profit law firm offering free legal services to seniors and eligible low-income persons.
New Hampshire Legal Assistance provides free legal help to low-income and elderly persons who cannot afford a private attorney. NH Legal Assistance handles legal matters involving health care, domestic violence, public and private housing issues, food stamps, welfare, unemployment compensation, utility shut-off and nursing home problems. Our offices are open Monday-Friday between 8:30 a.m. and 5:00 p.m.
A team of lawyers from New Hampshire Legal Assistance, asked the federal court in Concord to order the State of New Hampshire to reform its child protection system, as the state had agreed 5 1/2 years ago.
In a lawsuit known as Eric L. ,the lawyers represent a class of children who have been abused or neglected. The suit was brought against the state Division of Children, Youth, and Families (DCYF). In a motion filed in court on January 16, 2003, the plaintiffs asked the court to find that DCYF has failed to comply with a settlement agreement entered into in 1997. Plaintiffs are asking the court to order the state to take prompt action to bring itself into compliance with its legal obligations.
A press release explaining today's legal action is available by clicking the link below. The motion itself, and a memorandum of law filed in support are also available below.
Press Release
Motion to Enforce Settlement Agreement
Memo of Law
http://www.nhla.org/EricL.php
Isabella Brooke Knightly and Austin Gamez-Knightly
In Memory of my Loving Husband, William F. Knightly Jr. Murdered by ILLEGAL Palliative Care at a Nashua, NH Hospital
Sunday, August 15, 2010
AFRA EDITORIALS-Is it illegal for somebody to threaten you with CPS?
AFRA EDITORIALS
By Leonard Henderson
August 15, 2010
Is it illegal for somebody to threaten you with CPS?
I just LOVE answering questions people were asking when they found the AFRa website.
And the answer, of course, is NO it is not illegal for somebody to threaten you with CPS.
In fact, ANY call to CPS is treated as factual and likely to start one of their famous character assassinations.
Dumb-founding as it might be, anybody who calls CPS is given golden gospel status.
Why? Because the system makes pile$ of money running their Color of Law scam, and nobody in authority cares.
Besides, ANY parent has done SOMETHING that can be portrayed as "abusive". Yes, even you. Normal, everyday events that happen in any family can be easily depicted as "abusive". Like yelling. Making a kid do chores. Or even make them clean up their room. Any punishment for bad behavior whatsoever- even such thing as "excessive time outs".
But somebody who threatens to call CPS gives up a major stealth advantage- anonymity.
Of course, even if somebody threatens you and then a "report" is made, CPS will still play the "confidential" game, and deny your guesses at who the reporter is- as well as impugn your version of WHY this puke reported you.
I had an ex-wife who called CPS about 4 times a year between 1986 and 1998. It got to the point that when she would threaten me, I offered to make the call for her. I would ask her which CPS agent she wanted to speak to and told her to "Do your worst". Her claims got so ridiculous, especially considering the whore house lifestyle she was living, that CPS came to regard her "reports" as "deliberately false". In short, she was a known pathological liar.
I would say that somebody THREATENING you with CPS is a lot less dangerous than the sneaky ones. The anonymous ones.
When you find yourself anonymously accused, you do a quick check-list of who you have been around the last day or two, and what in the world they thought was worth calling CPS about.
Often, their reason for doing so is absurd, as well as the accusation.
Doesn't make any difference to CPS. Especially if you don't know what to do if you find one of these domestic terrorist CPS agents at your front door. See How to Fight CPS to learn how.
COMMENT on this story
"Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own." --Aesop (c. 550 B.C.) legendary Greek fabulist
If CPS hasn't attacked YOUR FAMILY yet, see If you are ever approached by anyone from social services.... and WHEN THEY COME AFTER YOU
Learn as much as you can, as fast as you can at How To Fight CPS
Get YOUR VERSION OF HISTORY ON THE RECORD with your Sworn Declaration
Leonard Henderson, co-founder
American Family Rights Association
http://familyrights.us
"Until Every Child Comes Home" ©
"The Voice of America's Families" ©
I am not a lawyer and I do not pretend to give legal advice. If you need legal advice, see AFRA's Lawyer Friends who certainly are not pretenders (http://familyrights.us/info/law) I merely relate the things I learned in the past that seemed to work in my own case or things that others have related to me that worked in their cases. I provide information for free and do not expect to receive any form of payment or reward on this side of heaven. Therefore, DO NOT rely on this information as legal advice. Real Legal advice would come from a real lawyer who hates CPS and prepares a VIGOROUS DEFENSE against a negative (proving nothing happened) instead of talking you into a plea bargain (http://familyrights.us/bin/The_Problem_with_Plea_Bargaining.htm)
http://familyrights.us / news / archive / 2010 / august / illegal_threats.html
http://familyrights.us/news/archive/2010/august/illegal_threats.html
By Leonard Henderson
August 15, 2010
Is it illegal for somebody to threaten you with CPS?
I just LOVE answering questions people were asking when they found the AFRa website.
And the answer, of course, is NO it is not illegal for somebody to threaten you with CPS.
In fact, ANY call to CPS is treated as factual and likely to start one of their famous character assassinations.
Dumb-founding as it might be, anybody who calls CPS is given golden gospel status.
Why? Because the system makes pile$ of money running their Color of Law scam, and nobody in authority cares.
Besides, ANY parent has done SOMETHING that can be portrayed as "abusive". Yes, even you. Normal, everyday events that happen in any family can be easily depicted as "abusive". Like yelling. Making a kid do chores. Or even make them clean up their room. Any punishment for bad behavior whatsoever- even such thing as "excessive time outs".
But somebody who threatens to call CPS gives up a major stealth advantage- anonymity.
Of course, even if somebody threatens you and then a "report" is made, CPS will still play the "confidential" game, and deny your guesses at who the reporter is- as well as impugn your version of WHY this puke reported you.
I had an ex-wife who called CPS about 4 times a year between 1986 and 1998. It got to the point that when she would threaten me, I offered to make the call for her. I would ask her which CPS agent she wanted to speak to and told her to "Do your worst". Her claims got so ridiculous, especially considering the whore house lifestyle she was living, that CPS came to regard her "reports" as "deliberately false". In short, she was a known pathological liar.
I would say that somebody THREATENING you with CPS is a lot less dangerous than the sneaky ones. The anonymous ones.
When you find yourself anonymously accused, you do a quick check-list of who you have been around the last day or two, and what in the world they thought was worth calling CPS about.
Often, their reason for doing so is absurd, as well as the accusation.
Doesn't make any difference to CPS. Especially if you don't know what to do if you find one of these domestic terrorist CPS agents at your front door. See How to Fight CPS to learn how.
COMMENT on this story
"Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own." --Aesop (c. 550 B.C.) legendary Greek fabulist
If CPS hasn't attacked YOUR FAMILY yet, see If you are ever approached by anyone from social services.... and WHEN THEY COME AFTER YOU
Learn as much as you can, as fast as you can at How To Fight CPS
Get YOUR VERSION OF HISTORY ON THE RECORD with your Sworn Declaration
Leonard Henderson, co-founder
American Family Rights Association
http://familyrights.us
"Until Every Child Comes Home" ©
"The Voice of America's Families" ©
I am not a lawyer and I do not pretend to give legal advice. If you need legal advice, see AFRA's Lawyer Friends who certainly are not pretenders (http://familyrights.us/info/law) I merely relate the things I learned in the past that seemed to work in my own case or things that others have related to me that worked in their cases. I provide information for free and do not expect to receive any form of payment or reward on this side of heaven. Therefore, DO NOT rely on this information as legal advice. Real Legal advice would come from a real lawyer who hates CPS and prepares a VIGOROUS DEFENSE against a negative (proving nothing happened) instead of talking you into a plea bargain (http://familyrights.us/bin/The_Problem_with_Plea_Bargaining.htm)
http://familyrights.us / news / archive / 2010 / august / illegal_threats.html
http://familyrights.us/news/archive/2010/august/illegal_threats.html
I Was A Foster Kid-Happy 18th Birthday! Get your ass out of my house — you are aging out. Foster kids kicked out with nothing
Happy 18th Birthday! Get your ass out of my house — you are aging out. Foster kids kicked out with nothing.
May 23, 2010
The other day while I was sitting in the therapist’s office, I read a Q&A section where some lady wrote:
“I can’t believe foster kids are kicked out of their foster homes when they turn 18? How can foster parents do that? I almost don’t believe it happens. Aren’t they like their own kids?”
I did not have an opportunity to read the response, because my therapist called me, but I figured I could write a much better response than any other person…so here goes my response:
Dear Non-Believer –
It happens. It happens to many foster kids. It happened to me. After being in foster care for 11 years and living in 12 different homes, the day I turned 18, they kicked me out. My worker came and we sat at the kitchen table. I had stuff already packed in a backpack. That was it…one large backpack. I had stolen a couple towels and a knife from my foster parents, because I knew I had no-where to go and that I needed the knife for safety and the towels for drying off and keeping warm. Otherwise, I had some clothes, some trinkets, $63, and a stuffed bear.
My worker had me sign some papers while sitting at my foster parent’s kitchen table and then handed me some papers. I was really kind of spaced out. My foster parents just stood there; one in the doorway to the hallway and one leaning against the counter by the kitchen sink. Then the worker asked me where I would like to go?
Where the hell is an 18 year old with NO FAMILY and NO SUPPORT and NO EDUCATION supposed to go? Where do you think? …..,……. I looked at my worker and said “I don’t know.” I remember getting really scared as the impact of that question hit me…
My foster mother hugged me and my foster father shook my hand. To this day, these actions amaze me. Going through the motions as they knew I was going into chaos…
So, my worker dropped me off at a shelter. Great planning eh?
.
Within one day, I was homeless, hungry, broke and alone. No one cared. Not “the system” and not any foster parents. Not one person. I managed to get a job and was fortunate that my boss let me crash on the couch until I got enough money together to get a shitty apartment in an area that most people would never step foot in. That did not last for long. I couldn’t pay the rent and the bills. And the place was so disgusting, I thought I could find something better, so I took off for greener pastures.
Over the next couple years, I spent my time homeless ~ living in tourist towns working during the day, partying at night and sleeping under the stars, or in a hotel or in a boarding room. I tried to sleep in some shelters which believe it or not are pretty dangerous places and they have crazy rules. Like one shelter kicked everyone out at 7:00 AM and it was first come first serve at 7:00 PM to get back in. If I was working the dinner shift, forget about getting in because all the beds would be given away by the time I got there. Besides, I hated them and never felt safe. I would rather take my chances sleeping in nature with other kids then being in a shelter with all aged people. (Would you feel safe sleeping in a place like that picture?)
Lots of foster kids that age-out wind up homeless.
.
Covenant House reports that 50% of adolescents aging out of foster care and juvenile justice systems will be homeless within six months because they are unprepared to live independently, have limited education and no social support.
.
.
How can foster parents do that you ask? —- Simple, we aren’t their kids.
In some cases we are nothing more than a good easy fuck, a punching bag, or a paycheck. And the next batch is coming in when we are getting kicked out.
Now, I am not saying that ALL foster parents are like this; on the contrary, I get notes from people who sound like fabulous foster parents….and those foster parents are the ones that make sure that their foster kids get services, get their needs met, get educated, get to college, have a place to go, have a place to come “home to.” And those foster parents are also usually the ones that adopt.
The kids that age-out are basically the kids no-one wants….the ones that are “too difficult,” “too hurt,” “too old,” “too damaged,” “too whatever…..”
No-one wants .
And when no-one wants you, it is very easy to kick you out.
You see “Non-Believer”–
No-one wanted me and I aged-out. Between 20,000-30,000 kids age-out each year…
It happens.
http://looneytunes09.wordpress.com/2010/05/23/happy-18th-birthday-get-your-ass-out-of-my-house-you-are-aging-out-foster-kids-kicked-out-with-nothing/
May 23, 2010
The other day while I was sitting in the therapist’s office, I read a Q&A section where some lady wrote:
“I can’t believe foster kids are kicked out of their foster homes when they turn 18? How can foster parents do that? I almost don’t believe it happens. Aren’t they like their own kids?”
I did not have an opportunity to read the response, because my therapist called me, but I figured I could write a much better response than any other person…so here goes my response:
Dear Non-Believer –
It happens. It happens to many foster kids. It happened to me. After being in foster care for 11 years and living in 12 different homes, the day I turned 18, they kicked me out. My worker came and we sat at the kitchen table. I had stuff already packed in a backpack. That was it…one large backpack. I had stolen a couple towels and a knife from my foster parents, because I knew I had no-where to go and that I needed the knife for safety and the towels for drying off and keeping warm. Otherwise, I had some clothes, some trinkets, $63, and a stuffed bear.
My worker had me sign some papers while sitting at my foster parent’s kitchen table and then handed me some papers. I was really kind of spaced out. My foster parents just stood there; one in the doorway to the hallway and one leaning against the counter by the kitchen sink. Then the worker asked me where I would like to go?
Where the hell is an 18 year old with NO FAMILY and NO SUPPORT and NO EDUCATION supposed to go? Where do you think? …..,……. I looked at my worker and said “I don’t know.” I remember getting really scared as the impact of that question hit me…
My foster mother hugged me and my foster father shook my hand. To this day, these actions amaze me. Going through the motions as they knew I was going into chaos…
So, my worker dropped me off at a shelter. Great planning eh?
.
Within one day, I was homeless, hungry, broke and alone. No one cared. Not “the system” and not any foster parents. Not one person. I managed to get a job and was fortunate that my boss let me crash on the couch until I got enough money together to get a shitty apartment in an area that most people would never step foot in. That did not last for long. I couldn’t pay the rent and the bills. And the place was so disgusting, I thought I could find something better, so I took off for greener pastures.
Over the next couple years, I spent my time homeless ~ living in tourist towns working during the day, partying at night and sleeping under the stars, or in a hotel or in a boarding room. I tried to sleep in some shelters which believe it or not are pretty dangerous places and they have crazy rules. Like one shelter kicked everyone out at 7:00 AM and it was first come first serve at 7:00 PM to get back in. If I was working the dinner shift, forget about getting in because all the beds would be given away by the time I got there. Besides, I hated them and never felt safe. I would rather take my chances sleeping in nature with other kids then being in a shelter with all aged people. (Would you feel safe sleeping in a place like that picture?)
Lots of foster kids that age-out wind up homeless.
.
Covenant House reports that 50% of adolescents aging out of foster care and juvenile justice systems will be homeless within six months because they are unprepared to live independently, have limited education and no social support.
.
.
How can foster parents do that you ask? —- Simple, we aren’t their kids.
In some cases we are nothing more than a good easy fuck, a punching bag, or a paycheck. And the next batch is coming in when we are getting kicked out.
Now, I am not saying that ALL foster parents are like this; on the contrary, I get notes from people who sound like fabulous foster parents….and those foster parents are the ones that make sure that their foster kids get services, get their needs met, get educated, get to college, have a place to go, have a place to come “home to.” And those foster parents are also usually the ones that adopt.
The kids that age-out are basically the kids no-one wants….the ones that are “too difficult,” “too hurt,” “too old,” “too damaged,” “too whatever…..”
No-one wants .
And when no-one wants you, it is very easy to kick you out.
You see “Non-Believer”–
No-one wanted me and I aged-out. Between 20,000-30,000 kids age-out each year…
It happens.
http://looneytunes09.wordpress.com/2010/05/23/happy-18th-birthday-get-your-ass-out-of-my-house-you-are-aging-out-foster-kids-kicked-out-with-nothing/
I Was A Foster Kid-Can you ever outgrow the legacy of foster care?
Can you ever outgrow the legacy of foster care?
August 15, 2010
When I was in foster care, I felt so different from the rest of the world. I knew I was different….how could I not. I did not have a family that was truly mine, I had no good friends; as most of my “buddies” were long-term foster kids living in the same homes I was, and were moved away sometimes without saying goodbye. I lived in 12 different foster/group homes in 11 years, I went to 8 or more schools, I owned very little material things including clothes. Nobody really cared about me, just to care. Workers and foster parents cared because they had to…some better than others. I smoked, I ate and I puked, I drank, I did drugs, I self-harmed, I was a mess….because no-one cared and I did not care about my self or my body.
I never went to camp, I never played a musical instrument, I never went to Disneyworld or any amusement park. I never played an organized sport, I never learned to swim, and I never was in a club. I never got a driver’s license and I never went to a prom.
All these things help to shape a person, their selves and their likes and dislikes.
Sometimes I never had a birthday or a holiday or a congratulations; many times I didn’t. I knew I could be used and no-one cared. I knew I could be “fooled around with” and no-one cared. I knew I could be treated as a housemaid and no-one cared. I knew I didn’t matter. I knew I was not a “person” because my feelings and needs did not matter.
Well here I am now, 20something, still living in the shadow of how I lived in foster care. Things are no different. I have no human family that is truly mine. I have no friends…I had “streets siblings” but like I have said before, they don’t know how to be in relationships either, so any street relationship is fucked up. They come and go, moving from place to place, from street family to street family, just like foster kids. And for years, I choose to live solitarily, because of some things that happened in a “street family” — that mimicked life as it was at times in foster care.
Now that I am off the street, there is no-one IRL. I don’t fit in…I don’t belong. The people at my work who are my age are in school; and they worry about weather their mom and dad will pay their cell phone bill or pay for their gas or car insurance. They worry about which party they are going to attend this weekend. They worry about what they are going to wear the first day of their classes in a couple weeks.
Me…. I worry about if I have enough money to stay off the streets; to pay my rent, so I am not homeless again. I worry about whether I am going to have to do something illegal (which would NOT hurt anyone else) to pay for Moonlight, god forbid things take a turn for the worse. I worry about that one of my 4 jeans will rip up the ass, because well, at work, we can wear rips in the knees, but not in the ass…..and I don’t have the extra $6.00 to buy a pair at Goodwill right now.
See how our worlds are so different…? —- See how I don’t belong?
My boss and his wife — I think they are good people. But I am waiting for the shoe to drop when they tell me what I OWE THEM. They gave me a bike. They have taken me to urgent care when I had strep and could not pay. They give me food. What do I need to give them? Although I have worked extra hours and worked catering for them, I assume what I gotta give them will be pretty big. My mind races constantly, some of which is too graphic to subject you to — but people that give, ALWAYS want something in return. The question is what?
I met a couple people on the internet, since I “logged-on.” Some sucked. Some were fucked up in a scary way. Most come and go. Most want something from me…However, there has been one person that is fairly consistent– as much as an internet person could. That person has been nice and never really wanted anything back…so far. I think the “Slayer of Dragons” knows who she is. Ironically, she is a great mom to several adopted children with a lot of hardships from that – And she herself is undergoing massive changes in her life…for which my expectations are she will be gone from mine..although I Hope not. History with people…tells me otherwise.
The internet is a lot like living on the streets. People come and go and come and go – get what they need or just hang around for awhile – and then move on. It seems to be the nature of the internet in my experience thus far, that people are looking for something (isn’t that life?)….
I don’t really know what I am looking for…..really, I don’t. Actually I guess to be honest as I try to be; I guess I could say, I am looking for a family – but we all know that is unrealistic; as no-one adopts a fucked-up 20-something with nothing. Ironically, maybe I really am not looking for anything, because I know deep down, I don’t belong. Maybe I am looking for a friend… but I don’t even know about that anymore; because there is always strings attached and I am tired of being the “used.”
Maybe I am just passing time, waiting for the end…
So, I’ve lived in lots of different places when I was homeless just like foster care; you could not believe how many places I have lived…Now, I am trying to settle down in this place for awhile. I don’t know why. I never graduated any school, but I got my GED after failing some sections a couple times. When you never had “social studies” or physics or chemistry or algebra or …you get the picture.
I still own very little — its pathetic and embarrassing. I work with people older and younger than me and they all have “stuff” and “gadgets” and the coolest clothes. I don’t even own a cell phone – I can’t afford the monthly bill. I don’t own an ipod or a camera or anything else that seems to be cool today. Some kid at work was reading a book on this pad thing…I never heard of it — called a Kindle. They cost hundreds of dollars… and I can’t even afford a $54 pair of sneakers that I really want because of the colors, when I also really need a new pair….I gotta go to Goodwill. Which hell, is alot like foster care too — always second hand clothes and hand-me downs from other kids. I do own a bike that was given to me — probably the nicest thing I ever owned….ever.
I still eat poorly, I smoke, I drink to purposely get drunk, I self-harm pretty badly (beyond your belief), and I am struggling with mental illness. Even more telling, is I still don’t care about myself or my body. I REALLY don’t. The only one difference I see from foster care is that I no-longer am using illegal drugs; thanks to the cops on the beach who busted me sleeping under the boardwalk (recall my “come to jesus moment” regarding prison time).
I got a drivers license, but I don’t have a car. I don’t know how to swim; and I don’t know how to play an instrument. I am not in any clubs, I don’t know much about sports, and I still haven’t been to Disney or any amusement park (although god, I want to goto Disneyworld). I haven’t had a birthday greeting or a Christmas card or a congratulations from anyone meaningful since I can remember.
I don’t forsee things ever changing. How could they possibly when I have nothing to fall back on, when I have no support, when I have nothing…
I suppose I could go on…. But the parallel is telling.
.
If you are reading this blog and think it is a pathetic rant or whine –
Ask yourself this:
When was the last time something sad or terrible happened….
…..and you had no-one to share your grief?
When was the last time something good or happy happened….
…..and you had no-one to share your joy?
When was the last time something painful happened…
…..and you had no-one to share your pain?
That is one legacy of foster care…
……being utterly alone.
http://looneytunes09.wordpress.com/2010/08/15/can-you-ever-outgrow-the-legacy-of-foster-care/
August 15, 2010
When I was in foster care, I felt so different from the rest of the world. I knew I was different….how could I not. I did not have a family that was truly mine, I had no good friends; as most of my “buddies” were long-term foster kids living in the same homes I was, and were moved away sometimes without saying goodbye. I lived in 12 different foster/group homes in 11 years, I went to 8 or more schools, I owned very little material things including clothes. Nobody really cared about me, just to care. Workers and foster parents cared because they had to…some better than others. I smoked, I ate and I puked, I drank, I did drugs, I self-harmed, I was a mess….because no-one cared and I did not care about my self or my body.
I never went to camp, I never played a musical instrument, I never went to Disneyworld or any amusement park. I never played an organized sport, I never learned to swim, and I never was in a club. I never got a driver’s license and I never went to a prom.
All these things help to shape a person, their selves and their likes and dislikes.
Sometimes I never had a birthday or a holiday or a congratulations; many times I didn’t. I knew I could be used and no-one cared. I knew I could be “fooled around with” and no-one cared. I knew I could be treated as a housemaid and no-one cared. I knew I didn’t matter. I knew I was not a “person” because my feelings and needs did not matter.
Well here I am now, 20something, still living in the shadow of how I lived in foster care. Things are no different. I have no human family that is truly mine. I have no friends…I had “streets siblings” but like I have said before, they don’t know how to be in relationships either, so any street relationship is fucked up. They come and go, moving from place to place, from street family to street family, just like foster kids. And for years, I choose to live solitarily, because of some things that happened in a “street family” — that mimicked life as it was at times in foster care.
Now that I am off the street, there is no-one IRL. I don’t fit in…I don’t belong. The people at my work who are my age are in school; and they worry about weather their mom and dad will pay their cell phone bill or pay for their gas or car insurance. They worry about which party they are going to attend this weekend. They worry about what they are going to wear the first day of their classes in a couple weeks.
Me…. I worry about if I have enough money to stay off the streets; to pay my rent, so I am not homeless again. I worry about whether I am going to have to do something illegal (which would NOT hurt anyone else) to pay for Moonlight, god forbid things take a turn for the worse. I worry about that one of my 4 jeans will rip up the ass, because well, at work, we can wear rips in the knees, but not in the ass…..and I don’t have the extra $6.00 to buy a pair at Goodwill right now.
See how our worlds are so different…? —- See how I don’t belong?
My boss and his wife — I think they are good people. But I am waiting for the shoe to drop when they tell me what I OWE THEM. They gave me a bike. They have taken me to urgent care when I had strep and could not pay. They give me food. What do I need to give them? Although I have worked extra hours and worked catering for them, I assume what I gotta give them will be pretty big. My mind races constantly, some of which is too graphic to subject you to — but people that give, ALWAYS want something in return. The question is what?
I met a couple people on the internet, since I “logged-on.” Some sucked. Some were fucked up in a scary way. Most come and go. Most want something from me…However, there has been one person that is fairly consistent– as much as an internet person could. That person has been nice and never really wanted anything back…so far. I think the “Slayer of Dragons” knows who she is. Ironically, she is a great mom to several adopted children with a lot of hardships from that – And she herself is undergoing massive changes in her life…for which my expectations are she will be gone from mine..although I Hope not. History with people…tells me otherwise.
The internet is a lot like living on the streets. People come and go and come and go – get what they need or just hang around for awhile – and then move on. It seems to be the nature of the internet in my experience thus far, that people are looking for something (isn’t that life?)….
I don’t really know what I am looking for…..really, I don’t. Actually I guess to be honest as I try to be; I guess I could say, I am looking for a family – but we all know that is unrealistic; as no-one adopts a fucked-up 20-something with nothing. Ironically, maybe I really am not looking for anything, because I know deep down, I don’t belong. Maybe I am looking for a friend… but I don’t even know about that anymore; because there is always strings attached and I am tired of being the “used.”
Maybe I am just passing time, waiting for the end…
So, I’ve lived in lots of different places when I was homeless just like foster care; you could not believe how many places I have lived…Now, I am trying to settle down in this place for awhile. I don’t know why. I never graduated any school, but I got my GED after failing some sections a couple times. When you never had “social studies” or physics or chemistry or algebra or …you get the picture.
I still own very little — its pathetic and embarrassing. I work with people older and younger than me and they all have “stuff” and “gadgets” and the coolest clothes. I don’t even own a cell phone – I can’t afford the monthly bill. I don’t own an ipod or a camera or anything else that seems to be cool today. Some kid at work was reading a book on this pad thing…I never heard of it — called a Kindle. They cost hundreds of dollars… and I can’t even afford a $54 pair of sneakers that I really want because of the colors, when I also really need a new pair….I gotta go to Goodwill. Which hell, is alot like foster care too — always second hand clothes and hand-me downs from other kids. I do own a bike that was given to me — probably the nicest thing I ever owned….ever.
I still eat poorly, I smoke, I drink to purposely get drunk, I self-harm pretty badly (beyond your belief), and I am struggling with mental illness. Even more telling, is I still don’t care about myself or my body. I REALLY don’t. The only one difference I see from foster care is that I no-longer am using illegal drugs; thanks to the cops on the beach who busted me sleeping under the boardwalk (recall my “come to jesus moment” regarding prison time).
I got a drivers license, but I don’t have a car. I don’t know how to swim; and I don’t know how to play an instrument. I am not in any clubs, I don’t know much about sports, and I still haven’t been to Disney or any amusement park (although god, I want to goto Disneyworld). I haven’t had a birthday greeting or a Christmas card or a congratulations from anyone meaningful since I can remember.
I don’t forsee things ever changing. How could they possibly when I have nothing to fall back on, when I have no support, when I have nothing…
I suppose I could go on…. But the parallel is telling.
.
If you are reading this blog and think it is a pathetic rant or whine –
Ask yourself this:
When was the last time something sad or terrible happened….
…..and you had no-one to share your grief?
When was the last time something good or happy happened….
…..and you had no-one to share your joy?
When was the last time something painful happened…
…..and you had no-one to share your pain?
That is one legacy of foster care…
……being utterly alone.
http://looneytunes09.wordpress.com/2010/08/15/can-you-ever-outgrow-the-legacy-of-foster-care/
Does the Government own your Child? Does CPS help or harm families? Part1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYUwZUezHlM&feature=related
Alex Jones Tv HD 45 CPS Try to Kidnap an 8 Year Old Girl (Mirror)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKPNCjEmB7c&feature=related
CPS Kidnaps 7 Month Old Baby Girl from Texas Family - Alex Jones Tv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3v6mFIRVCI
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