Birth Mother Frustrated Over State Adoption

Birth Mother Frustrated Over State Adoption
By Dan Gorenstein on Tuesday, August 19, 2008.
Two and a half years ago, the Division of Children Youth and Families offered a woman we’ll call Michelle a special opportunity.

The reason DCYF was even talking to her was that she was serving a 10-30 year sentence for manslaughter.

Up until 2006, in these kinds of cases, the state would typically termiate Michelle’s parental rights.

But under a new law, DCYF helped Michelle negotiate an adoption that allowed her to maintain contact with her two girls.

But Michelle says she was pushed into surrendering her rights and on top of that; the adoptive parents aren’t living up to their side of the agreement.

New Hampshire Public Radio’s Dan Gorenstein reports.

In 2004, before her conviction, Michelle knew she might spend decades locked up.

So she asked DCYF to assume custody of her young daughters.

The two - both under 7 at the time- moved in with a foster family up north.

Even though she was in prison, Michelle got enough contact to feel involved.

28:32...I was seeing them once a month, and speaking with them once a week, and able to send cards and letters all the time. and that was a big thing that kept me going in here.

Staying in touch was really important to Michelle especially because her older girl had a variety of health problems, including autism.

28:32....I am so close to my girls, and I didn’t want to have to say bye to them. I didn’t want to say bye to my girls.

But Michelle had to say goodbye.

She got 10-30 years for manslaughter, after killing a friend in a car accident.

So the state decided the girls had to be put up for adoption.

But DCYF approached Michelle and asked her if she was interested in a new state program.

Instead of terminating her rights as a parent, she could do a mediated adoption and keep some contact with the girls.

She jumped at the chance.

7:37.... Even if I paid for it, I...thought that I was going to be able to keep my phone calls with them. I didn’t care. I wanted to be able to send them their gifts, cards, letters, for every holiday I send my kids something.

On March 3, 2006 Michelle traveled up to the Probate Court in Ossipee for the mediation with the likely adoptive parents.

But when she got there, she says they didn’t want to sit in the same room with her.

She says that set the tone.
24:20....I even commented one time, ‘this is ridiculous, why aren’t we sitting in the same room?’ I was wondering, ‘am I really that bad that they can’t sit in the same room with me?’

Julie Daniels, Michelle’s counselor from Child and Family Services says the morning went downhill from there.

26:02... as time went on and each thing she requested was rejected, or watered down...then she became more upset. And by the time we got to the end and she was given the list of things she was given, she was very disappointed...she was crying, visibly anxious, looking to her lawyer and to me as to ‘what should I do? Is this all I am going to get?’

Daniels says she and others encouraged Michelle to sign the mediated agreement.

But Michelle had deep misgivings.

Over the five months her daughters had lived with the couple; Michelle says she didn’t get any of the visits or phone calls she had been getting when they lived with the first foster family.

And now, after five hours of contentious, painful negotiations, Michelle wondered if she could trust these people to put the girls first.

T.125
6:04.... I think that if we were to work together to do what was best for these girls, and work as a team, than they would have a happier life, I think.

T.125
1:39 I didn’t want htem to feel as though they had to either love me or love them. I wanted them to know they could love both.

But in the end, she told herself, a little bit of something is better than nothing.

9:17... That’s why I did it. I didn’t want to lose contact with them. I didn’t want to have to wonder all the time how are they doing, are they happy, I didn’t want to have to live like that, always wondering.

28:30...at that point...she was upset, she wanted to be alone...

Counselor Julie Daniels.

...she went into a corner...to get some time alone....she said, ‘take me home. I want to go back.’

But Michelle was told she had one more piece of paper to sign.

She had to surrender her rights as a parent.

Michelle says if she didn’t, she was told the mediation would be off the table.

T.126
:08 I says, I can’t do this right now, I says, I can’t. we have to come back and do this. I need time to think. I can’t do this.

Michelle knew losing mediation meant losing any chance at all of staying connected to her girls.

The state had already scheduled a termination of parental rights case against her.

And considering that Michelle is serving a 10-30 year sentence, Michelle would lose the case.

DCYF Director Maggie Bishop says, to the best of her knowledge, no one ever issued any sort of ultimatum.

Bishop says, up until that day, the state had bent over backwards to accommodate Michelle.

She says her staff delayed a termination hearing multiple times.

T.542
1:22 to look back now and say, did we do everything she could, to make sure she had an opportunity, yes. B/c termination of parental rights was already going to happen. And so we stopped it to give her this...extension...to have some kind of contact.

But, as a rule, Bishop says there’s no place for hardball negotiating tactics when it comes to mediated adoptions.

T.542
6:35 what we are sanctioning is that in order for a mediated agreement to work and be successful, truly both parties have to be willing to agree. So the minute a hard tactic like that would kick in it no longer warrants being a mediated agreement.

Head of the Probate Court, Judge David King says no law prohibits birth parents from being asked to sign the mediation and- turn around and surrender their rights in mere minutes.

King 2
:23 it’s no different than any other case that works its way through the court system everyday in every courthouse in the state of New Hampshire.....the foundation of mediation is that it’s a voluntary process....parties can put whatever stipulations on the agreement they see fit, and the other side can agree with them or not.

While cutting deals may not be unusual, the state has taken steps to say a birth parent shouldn’t give up their rights too quickly.

The Family Court has instituted a protocol that gives birth-parents at least seven days to consider the agreement before they must surrender their rights.

Head of the Family Court Judge Ed Kelly says he could see putting that protocol into statute.

9:38 In fact it is already in law that no surrender can be taken until the passage of a minimum of 72 hours after the birth of a child. So obviously the Legislature has already recognized at the very early stages no birth parent should be making that decision very early on.

The court proceedings in this case are sealed because it involves minors.

Michelle’s attorney would no gon on record.

Barring a court order it’s probably impossible to ever know definitively whether a take it or leave it deal was offered to Michelle the day of her mediation.

Michelle signed the surrender.

But a judge conducted a process specifically designed to uncover any feelings of doubt or coercion.

Even if Michelle could prove that she was under duress when she surrendered her rights, judges say she has almost no chance of getting the adoption overturned.

But Michelle has another complaint.

She says the adoptive parents aren’t holding up their side of the agreement.

Here, she does have some recourse.

DCYF’s Maggie Bishop says her office is investigating the matter.

T.541
9:07 clearly the efficacy of these agreements have to be upheld. And with that said we have been working with Michelle, took her information and are looking into her concerns to assure that indeed the agreements are being followed. And if they are not we will assist Michelle and any parent to work through the process to make sure these agreements are enforced.

Bishop says mediated adoptions aren’t worth much if the parties don’t do what they’ve promised to do.

Just as important, Bishop says a birth parent deserves a chance to consider a mediated adoptions without fear of losing the option altogether.

She says she believes in the program, and that it’s helping families.

But she says that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for improvement.

For NHPR News, I’m DG

http://www.nhpr.org/node/17125